Fake fake food

Last night, enraged that I couldn’t find my book or my hat, I ate so many Ruffles that I awoke today with a body that, like Lot’s wife, consisted mostly of salt. But at some point in that frenzy of rage and beach-related angst, I found the book, Power Hungry, and at least I could sleep.
Power Hungry is a book of recipes for power bars; the first chapter is full of recipes reverse-engineered from commercially available bars. So there’s a recipe to make a facsimile of Clif Bar, and another for Nature Valley granola bars, and Luna bars, and mostly any of the semi-healthy bars currently on the market. But without whatever stuff is put in them to ensure a substantial shelf life.

So today, while I was counting things and La Serpiente was at school, and between moments where Destroyer wasn’t compliant, my wife blended up dates and cashews and posh unsweetened chocolate into something rather like a Lara Bar.

I really liked it. Although, as I’d spent an hour at the track running five miles, I would have scarfed down pretty much anything she would have offered me at that point. It was a bit blander than the genuine article, not as sweet and not as chocolatey as a Lara Bar, but honestly that’s probably a good thing. When I consumed Lara Bars by the box full, I was really cramming myself with cake and pretending to myself it was something healthy.

Although a pack of cherry Lara Bars did get me through La Serpiente’s birth, so I am that much in their debt.

The only remaining thing to do is test a few more flavours and calculate whether this is any cheaper than going to the shops and buying them. Ah, what a brave new world this is…

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