My two year old could do that

Today was La Serpiente’s art exhibition, and her fever had cooled sufficiently overnight that she could attend. Cue much wobbling and squawking as her mother explained to her that she wouldn’t be able to nap today, what with going to school, and then going to the art exhibition, and then going swimming. We had a horrendous battle to get her into her stroller, and it wasn’t until they arrived at school that my wife realised there was no school today because of the art exhibition, and so La Serpiente could have remained copacetic throughout.

I didn’t get to witness any of this hilarity, waving off the kids in the morning as I went to work, and then arriving at the school at 1:30, a moment before the rest of my family rolled up in a taxi and I could be useful getting people and things out of the car. Then we all ascended to the chaos of the exhibition.

Each of the teachers had chosen a different way to get their charges to make art about endangered animals, and then collected what the children had said. I was quite proud to see that my daughter had been so unequivocal about how many limbs, and what colour, her jellyfish would exemplify. Although I do worry that this is a sign of future bossiness to come.

She also made a painting of a hippopotamus, and an alarming abstract red and green mixed media piece. Well, I say mixed media – she had stuck bits of paper onto a bit of paper. Is that mixing media, or just putting several pieces of the same medium onto itself?

I’m quite envious that my daughter gets to do these things before her third birthday. Better yet, we’ve signed her up for a week of tae kwon do in early June, so she’ll be properly SMASH SMASH SMASHing things before she’s three. My hope of creating a Killing Machine may yet reach fruition.

After an hour of looking at the art of small children, I was ravenous so we went to Plain Vanilla, a bakery that specialises in ridiculous cupcakes and even sillier grilled cheese sandwiches. A grilled cheese sandwich needs plain white bread and cheddar cheese – not gruyere and emmental. As I choked it down, it felt like I was eating a black hole constructed entirely of dairy, something that was beyond the cheesiness of mortal man. What had become of me? What would I become?

A jellyfish. I want to be a jellyfish with four legs. Purple jellyfish.

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