A tug of the forelock


Today I went to MOM, the maternally-named Ministry Of Manpower, because my old Employment Pass was due to expire and I needed to get a new one. I’ve had the same photograph on my EP since 2012 when I moved to Singapore, and apparently it was time to update my biometrics, which is the fancy way of saying "get a new photo".

I didn’t know this, so I turned up in a state, hair all over the place and beard fairly ridiculous. My wife had luckily remembered a comb, but unluckily for me, for a laugh she back combed the hair on the left side of my head and so the photo that was taken has a huge clump of hair on one side of my head and nothing on the other. So that’s the next six years of people in Singapore guffawing at my identity card.

No worse than my Hong Kong ID, where my hair had a curious wave going from left to right, and a rogue tuft under one ear:

Ah, baby faced me from ten years ago, if only he’d washed his hair before he went to the Immigration Office in Wan Chai… Still, no worse than my old driving licence, where I looked like a effete, sexually degenerate estate agent.

The kids came with us and luckily MOM has some big cuddly toys for children to play with. Unluckily, soon this degenerated into the two girls fighting over the toys (highlight of which was La Serpiente spreadeagled over a teddy bear as big as her in an inspired act of area denial, while Destroyer tugged on it and screeched "please!" in a voice that would scare the devil.

Needless to say, the kids went home in high opprobrium, and then I went back to the office, to wait five business days for a disappointing likeness of my visage.


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