Following Orders

[Warning: contains scenes of a scatological nature]

Today La Serpiente woke up at 7:30 and made clear her demands: she wanted to go to have a croissant at the French bakery in Tiong Bahru, then eggs at Ronin, then go to a park. Normally on a Sunday morning I’d be a mortal wreck, or out running, or both, but today I was just wakeful enough to acquiesce, and the whole family rushed out of the door and took a bus down to Tiong Bahru, just as the bakery was opening.

We had a croissant each (full sized for adults, miniature for miniature human beings) and I had coffee, before we headed off to the MRT to get to Ronin. I carried La Serpiente on my head, which was possibly unwise, with 15 kilograms of trouble on my shoulders, and I think the coffee may also have been unwise. There is no toilet at Tiong Bahru MRT station. There is no toilet at the mall next to the station. This is not a problem if you aren’t in advanced stages of caffeine-induced intestinal pain, as the coffee seemed to act to put my guts into full-on purge mode.

We took a train from Tiong Bahru to Outram Park. I shuddered and tried to stand straight. We walked as quickly as we could from the East-West line platform to the North-South platform (heavy impacts are the enemy of unsoiled underpants). I shivered, goosebumps covering my arms as the blood diverted from my extremities towards more central areas. I waited in agony as the train slowly made its way north to Chinatown, stopped for an interminable time, then plodded on to Clarke Quay. I staggered, jogging and running like a wounded fairground pony, to the toilets at Clarke Quay.

Because I was in the gents’, of course the previous occupant had managed to pee all over the seat. And (I don’t know why) the toilet paper dispenser isn’t in the cubicle, it’s outside on the wall to prevent you … secretly stealing public toilet paper? Is there a camera in the toilet block that is watching for that? I staggered to and fro, emitting small yelps until I’d cleaned the seat, then sat down and unburdened myself. And then realised that I had to leave the cubicle to obtain more toilet paper. Was this whole thing set up by somebody who doesn’t understand about defecation?

After that horrorshow, the rest of the day went swimmingly, even if I felt a little light-headed for the next hour or so. We ate well on eggs at Ronin, then took another train down to the end of the North-South line, and along to Labrador Park, where we sauntered along the boardwalk with La Serpiente, looking for orioles and mudskippers, before reaching the cable car, where we did a full circuit, up to Mount Faber and down to Sentosa, and then returned home. Throughout, La Serpiente and Destroyer were model citizens, not making any fuss about anything. We got them home, got them to bed, and then I passed out for an hour, clearly over-excited myself.

Later this afternoon, I took La Serpiente to her music class, where again, she was well behaved and didn’t run around like an idiotic pint sized dervish. I made the mistake of rewarding her afterwards with a cone of pistachio ice cream that, while delicious, was almost the size of her head (and this was the small one). That sent her a bit loopy for a few hours, but she was still asleep before 9 this evening, leaving me free to go for a run and otherwise conduct life as I’d like to. And thus to bed.

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