On the way into town from the airport last night, I was struck by how Singapore isn’t my home any more; this was the city I’ve lived in for the longest time since I left home to go to university. When I got to the office today, I began to feel more keenly the difference with where I am now.
I’m lonely, and I think in part that’s because everyone in Singapore knows who I am, whereas in Seattle I seem to have at most a passing acquaintance with most people in the office. Whereas in Singapore I have a reputation and a host of people encouraging me, I feel very much in Seattle like a small cog in a very large machine.
Now, I recognise that it wasn’t always so in Singapore either. When I joined, most people didn’t know who I was, and again, it took me time to build connections with them. But I suppose it’s easy to forget that, and it is true that there’s less people I know well now than I did.
Time will heal this, but it’s a low I hadn’t remembered I would go through. It’s chastening, for while I live in a lovely house and my children and wife seem very happy, for work to be a struggle at this point is hard to bear.
But I’m an optimist. Things will improve, and so I have to recognise that a point when things aren’t as I want them is natural. It’s not to be accepted, but it is something to learn to tolerate, at least until it’s over.
I also realise, talking to friends here, that I just don’t get exercise like I used to. I really nerd to fix that when I get back. I miss running around the track, I miss swimming, I miss climbing, I miss all those things. The solution is in sight, if not in my grasp. Yet.