The VelociPastor

Today I watched The VelociPastor, a brilliant b-movie about a priest who gets scratched by a haunted dinosaur claw, and gains the power to transform into a dinosaur and fight crime.

It’s wonderful – appalling dialogue, terrible special effects and ludicrous camera angles, and for all of its 75 minutes doesn’t outstay its welcome.

I wonder how hard they had to work to make it so loveably ramshackle. The actors play the whole thing straight, without winking at the camera, and the impossibly low budget becomes a virtue when upstate New York can stand in for China, Vietnam and anywhere else the plot requires.

It’s also the first film to have the amazing line "see you after priest college" – really, what else could you want?

3 responses to “The VelociPastor”

    • I haven’t, but I feel I should have done. (I did watch The Disaster Artist on a plane, and I’m not sure if that made me want to watch The Room, or conclude that I didn’t need do. The Velocipastor seems to have been made on purpose as trash though, whereas The Room was striving to be art, even if it did fail in spectacular fashion…)

      • The striving did make me feel a bit uncomfortable in terms of Could A Male Seriously Portray Women Like This but Juliette Danielle seems to have a healthy
        attitude to the notoriety of her early starring role.

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