I’m not the guy you think I am

I get adverts piped straight into my Gmail inbox these days, hot piping adverts based on deductions Google has made about me. Delicious, highly relevant ads, like, well, like this one:
This is not typical dating website
I’m pretty sure this is not typical dating site. It may even be not a typical dating website. It’s a shame that Google hasn’t figured out that I’ve been married for the past five years, but then maybe our Automated Overlords in Mountain View figure there’s a five-and-a-half-year-itch to scratch. My wife wasn’t too pleased to see the dead-eyed ladies staring out from my inbox, and although I explained it’s probably because I went to a postgres database site 4 years ago and ever since have been classified as “sad-sack, can’t get a date” by the Internet, she still seemed to think it was my fault. All I wanted was a better understanding of page swap techniques, not a procession of ladies of indeterminate virtue.

So then I changed tabs in Gmail to look at Updates, rather than Social, and I got this instead:
travel-dating
Now, to be fair I am going travelling at the weekend, so this advert is sort of appropriate, but I’m going to Seattle, in late November. That’s really not suitable weather to be titting about on the beach in a bikini. Whereas the first tranche of waiting beauties were hot (one assumes they’re stuck in a waiting room somewhere without access to the air conditioning control), the women at Travel Dating are ignorant of weather conditions which makes me doubt these 1000s of girls really know all the best places in Seattle.

Plus are they accredited child minders? What are we going to do with Destroyer and La Serpiente? Nobody thinks of the children.

I would try to educate Gmail about these ads, but I worry it will infer I’m deeply in denial, and serve me even more ads for hot dating. Is the desired end state that after this neverending deluge of gloomy “beauties” my wife divorces me so I’m forced to click on these ads? I don’t think that’s such a great business model.

1 thought on “I’m not the guy you think I am

  1. Mate, these look like baby-sitting services in comparison to the utter filth that regularly ends up in my trash folder .. don’t take it personally, they target everyone!

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