[Originally posted on Fumbbl back in 2018]
I got to thinking, and then I had a pint of fine wine and so much beef I got the meat sweats and my wife had to help me walk home. But I was struck by a revelation, an epiphany you might say about two skills that are the polar opposite of one another: Guard and Frenzy
What’s the point of Guard? It’s an awful skill, it’s like Illegal Procedure every single turn, it’s the skill you’d have if you had no redeeming features of your own and the only reason people invited you to parties was because you could borrow your parents’ car. Choosing Guard is choosing to be miserable, it’s loving saying “I told you so”, it’s for people who get off on playing Sudoku, it’s an alphabetically organised sock drawer, it’s about as much fun as a boiled broccoli enema without the vitamins.
Now Frenzy, on the other hand, that’s a skill that says “hold my beer and watch this! “. It’s the drunken uncle of skills, the one that drives a 1973 Cutlass V8 with purple naugahyde seats and gold paint and doesn’t go to parties because it brings the party that rocks the party. Frenzy is the smell of Budweiser on cornflakes, it’s the sound of happiness, it’s the skill everyone wants to have and if they don’t want to have it, then they shouldn’t be your friends.
If somebody asks you what skill you should take, you should take Frenzy. If you can’t take Frenzy, sack the player.. If you’ve already got Frenzy, why are you even asking?
Given that, what kind of terrible, twisted person puts Guard on a Rat Ogre? Are they doing this to relax for a moment before popping down to the Sistine Chapel to brighten it up with some white emulsion?