The Kneadmaster

My wife and I celebrate two anniversaries every year – or at least have two different significant dates to overlook. There’s our wedding on the 30th of July, and there’s also the 1st of March, the day we started dating. I’ve been horribly disorganised this year, whereas my wife was organised enough to have bought me a present almost two weeks ahead of the happy day. But not organised enough to hide it before I got home from Japan.

So I walked into the bedroom and saw an enormous box with “Kneadmaster” written on it, propping up Destroyer’s changing mat. It turned out that this was a shiatsu massage attachment for a chair. Something that I really enjoyed sitting on during the Chinese New Year sales.

The Kneadmaster has a motor inside, and two hard lumps about the size of tennis balls, that gradually move up and down the Kneadmaster. The Kneadmaster is a cushion that is about torso length – you strap it to a chair, lean back on it and then press a button to start the motor, and it starts giving you the once over.

This is possibly the greatest present I’ve ever had. My back has been pure agony since half way through my Japanese trip, probably a result of hunching over a computer for too long and not getting any sleep, exarcebated by carrying my massively heavy backpack (again, an anniversary present – last year’s wedding) so I woke in great pain today (sleeping on La Serpiente’s floor didn’t help much either). I got the Kneadmaster out of its enormous box, fitted it to the rocking chair and then started it up. Fifteen minutes of the motors whirring, things in my back audibly moving about as the lumps inside the Kneadmaster moved up and down, and I could stand up straight again.

I’m still sore; I had a couple more goes on the Kneadmaster today to work out some more knots. But it feels like having this in the house (rather than going down the street and paying $50 for a man to attack me for an hour) may mean that I treat my back to a bit more tender loving care than I usually would.

We went to the Botanic Gardens today and for a lot of the time, I had to carry La Serpiente. Which made my back feel worse. Who knows what I’d be like without a Kneadmaster?


2 responses to “The Kneadmaster”

  1. Mr Cushtie, you still have a few days left before your significant date. Time for a little retail therapy and a surprise for Mrs Cushtie.

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