The consequences of IKEA


Tonight I’ve got a three hour run to do. I put off doing it this morning because I was feeling tired from yesterday’s run, and ostensibly because I should be practicing my nocturnal workouts now in preparation for the race. Also, this morning we went to IKEA and I had to have all my mental resources marshalled for that ordeal. 

Recently, the blinds have been falling off the walls of our flat. First it was the blinds in our bedroom, and then last week the blind fell down in Destroyer’s room. It’s probably a function of them being the cheapest blinds IKEA had for sale when the flat was fitted out five years ago, and then Singapore’s cruel and unrelenting heat and humidity eating away at the plastic fittings. 

So we went off today to get curtains, rather than semi-transparent blinds, and curtain rod to hang them from. It’s all very complicated trying to choose between Hymen and Buttplug or Ming-the-magnificent or whatever names they decided to give their curtain rods this week. And that’s before you have two kids screaming and weeping because the world is misaligned by 4 millimeters. 

Eventually we abandoned the hardy self-starter attitude IKEA is meant to promote, and asked a shop assistant what we should do. She told us to chuck half the Buttplugs and all the Hymens back on the shelf, add six finials to our shopping basket, and sent us on our way. Which goes to show do it yourself is never the most time efficient choice. 

We went home, I fell straight to sleep and didn’t wake until 3pm, and neither did the kids, which means we’re having the very devil of a time getting them down for the night, which in turn means my three hour run is probably not going to finish anywhere close to this side of midnight, which means I’ll feel like death warmed over tomorrow, and all because I went to IKEA this morning. Consequences, consequences. Will noone think of the parents?


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