Not so hot cross buns

A friend came over this evening to pick up our old coffee table, and at some point he mentioned that he’d never had a hot cross bun. So I toasted a couple and buttered them, and I was just able to share in this Easter-themed repast when Destroyer demanded she have one as well. As we only had two, my friend got one and my daughter got the other. After keeping it to herself, she realised it was more fun to tease her father. She extended the hot cross bun; I made a snapping action like a crocodile, and she giggled "noo!" and withdrew the treat.

We continued to do this several times until Destroyer decided that she’d taunted me enough, and she extended the hot cross bun, proffering it for me to take an actual bite. She looked so proud as I took it in my mouth and bit down, and then as my teeth collided with a finger, we both realised I’d gone too far.

I immediately released her, and there was a stunned silence for a moment or two, before she realised the enormity of her paternal betrayal, and then she howled in upset and pain, burying her face in her mother. I didn’t break the skin, thank goodness, but there was great weeping and howling, and I never did get any hot cross bun.

Thankfully she seemed to forgive me, so hopefully there’s no bread-related psychological consequences for us to deal with in a couple of decades’ time, but who knows?

After that I went out with my friend to remove the table, while my wife put the kids down. Then I came back and sat on the sofa, feeling all tuckered out. All weekend I was tired, and that’s been true today as well. I’ve gone for a walk just now to clear my head (sitting on the sofa playing Grand Theft Auto is no way to relax after a long day) but I still feel quite crummy. Alert, as any man who has tried to feast on the blood of his children (or at least their fingers) will, but physically infirm. I’ll go upstairs soon and gargle some brine, in the hope it cures my sore throat. It won’t do anything about the resolution I forgot to write down yesterday, of losing weight. But a diet of hot cross buns, cakes and crisps will make that a struggle.

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