No shirt, no service?


This morning, I dreamed I was using ultrasound to destroy all my shirts, and this was really annoying my wife. She even seemed slightly annoyed after I’d woken up and told her this: that’s what you get for disturbing my sleep patterns with Skype, even if you were calling just two minutes before my alarm goes off. It was a spectacularly vivid dream, insofar as I was quite, quite certain that I really was using ultrasonic garment destroying technology, but I’ve no idea how I was doing so. I don’t remember any tools, oscillators or loudspeakers. Just my wife asking me what I was up to, and then me telling her I’d destroyed all my shirts. With ultrasound.

As opposed to excessive perspiration, the traditional Singaporean method.

Maybe it was all the cheese I ate yesterday.

Today I tried to eat healthily, well, more healthily than yesterday. It would have been hard to do worse than yesterday’s diet of egg, cheese and alcohol, but I think my breakfast (scrambled eggs) followed by my lunch (egg whites in a burrito wrap from Starbucks) wasn’t much of an improvement. At least if I’d been drinking lager the alcohol might have dissolved some of the egg.

Part way through the afternoon, my new GPS was delivered to the office. This filled me with joy as it was just in time for me to charge it in readiness for tonight’s track session. It’s the complete opposite of my soon-to-die old watch – where one was all black rubber, like a chronological scuba suit, this one is shiny white with orange accents, like a Jaffa Cake designed by Apple. I hope I can use it properly when I get to the track tonight.

When I got home, the floor was full of ants. I walloped a lot with a shoe, then got the bottle of environmentally friendly floor cleaner and environmentally friendly cleaned the rest to death. The floor might be covered in the corpses of ants, but now it also smells lemony fresh.

Whereas I still stink like the camembert we ate for lunch yesterday. If only I could use ultrasound to destroy that.


2 responses to “No shirt, no service?”

  1. […] ​As this week’s chart shows, a lot more consistent than the first time I did this, but still falling apart as the session went on. During the third repeat, I led the second group for half a lap and then started to go to pieces. Would say more, but I’m exhausted tonight, what with running and destroying my clothes with ultrasound. […]

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